Every child wants to be loved.

Okay, I'm sure that's obvious. Of course they do. But sometimes you wonder, right? Some kids really seem to just want to please, while others just get their attention through negative behavior. I have always struggled with this as a parent. From the time I was 18 and having a baby, scared as could be, I read about how to parent. I read all about providing positive feedback and good reward systems for good behavior. But as my oldest grew, it seemed that I had my hands full of negative behaviors that needed course correction, and the positive behaviors were so few and far between, that he wasn't getting the positive reinforcement he needed. What to do? Do I simply ignore all the bad? How do I correct him if I ignore it? Herein was a big problem for me. Some of you may have figured this out on day one, but for me, it's been a long time in the making. Some things I've come to realize:

-correcting in a positive manner, with a calm voice, works wonders
-correcting harshly creates bad self-esteem
-correcting harshly too often simply makes children turn off their ears
-both positive and negative behaviors are cries for attention
-creating circumstances where you can provide opportunities for positive reinforcements are necessary. You can't just happen upon them accidentally all the time.
-when you do happen upon them, sing their praises from the rooftops. Even if it seems small an insignificant.
-listen to them.
-set rules. When a bad choice has been made, bring the talk back to the rules. Make it about the rules. Don't make it personal.
-always end a 'talking to' on a positive note, with a goal at the end.

I'm not great about following through with all of these all the time. However, when I do, our lives are happier.

Last week while I was working, my husband had Family Home Evening with the kids on his own. He started something called "Spotlight" where everyone went around the room and said something they loved about a particular person in our family. This time it was our daughter, S, that was chosen to be the spotlight. When they got to my second child, D, he could think of nothing positive he wanted to contribute to her. This of course made her feel sad. However, after my oldest, B, said some things, D piped in with a number of things he loved about her. The positive example set helped him to search for something, and he went on and on and on. S felt wonderful after that. Last night we were doing Family Home Evening and D shouted out that he wanted to be the spotlight. What a wonderful opportunity my husband created for our family to share in the goodness that each child possesses.

Buzz

Buzz is coming out in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking about picking up a copy. You?

Blessings

I know I complain a lot. It's probably part my nature, and part the fact that dealing with ADD and ADHD is really frustrating a lot of the time. But I have to say that despite my complaints, I also am very grateful for this crazy disease. Why? Because it helps me see more clearly, define more finely, the person that I want to be. The type of mother I can be. The genius that is in these children. Our schedules are busy. BUSY. I like it that way, even though it wears me thin. I want my children involved in life. I want my children learning. But even children get overwhelmed. I've been so impressed with my oldest, who has taken on a lot this year. He wanted to try out for competition soccer. I'll be honest and say I was hesitant. Not only is it a huge time and money commitment, but his anxieties typically stop him from functioning fully. I thought it would be a waste of our time since I didn't believe he'd make the team. But my dear, sweet husband was the better side of the scenario and said that we should always show him that we stand behind him. No matter what. So I did and he made the team. I was proud of him for moving past his anxieties and doing something he enjoyed. And it's been HARD. He practices 3-4 times a week, and usually has a couple of games. Add that to piano lessons and scouts and homework...the boy barely has a moment to breathe. But, he taken it in stride and is learning better how to manage his time, and to feel proud of himself. I think this would make any mother proud, but to see him dealing with his ADD and working through all of this still, I have to say that I am grateful. It has helped me to love him and respect him more deeply.

It's already starting...

So the past several days I have been on the couch and in bed with some awful Tonsillitis. I've been miserable and not on top of it...and we're already sliding on homework with No1 (child number 1). BIG SIGH. He's already forgetting stuff at school, and at home...lying about what he has to do...etc. I was livid this morning. Well, that seems to be the case in dealing with him lately. Seriously, what is up with almost-12-year-old-boys? They are SO HARD to deal with! Anywho...I came across this little video today, and what a sweet reminder this was. As a parent I have a great responsibility for teaching my children how to react and how to behave, and how to treat others.