Pulling my hair out

Sometimes this is how I feel. For instance, today I feel this way. It's interesting: the ebb and flow of emotions that come with having a child with ADD/ADHD. My son was actually diagnosed with only ADD. I say 'only' and it sounds like that makes it a cake walk, but don't be fooled. It's not.
Maybe it's the fact that we think that our second child has ADHD (we went to an evaluation for him, and I'll post more on that later), or that I'm realizing I may be to blame for my kids having it. Maybe it's that the medication that used to work wonders for B no longer seems to be making a difference. Maybe it's just life compounding all at the same time. Whatever it is, I'm feeling like the world is spinning right now. And it's hard!
B came home with his report card today. Now, I have come to accept the fact that he'll probably never be on the honor roll (but he could!), and that he'll probably not graduate top of his class (but can't he try?), but what I hate is seeing the decline in grades over the past few years. Do I dare say that it's been since he got his diagnosis? And I feel helpless when he brings home this report card. I feel like a failure! What am I doing wrong? What can I do better? But while I try to figure that out, I'll set back and feel like pulling out my hair a little longer, and maybe cry a little tear or two. And yes, he's in tutoring. Yes, we've talked endlessly with his teacher. And yes, we'll continue to fight.