Come What May!

So we've had the RUN AROUND with B's teacher (my oldest), and with B the last couple of months. It has gotten to the point that his teacher appears to be extremely bothered by my communications with her. I dislike this, but what am I supposed to do? This is my child and I am fighting for him because he can't do it himself. He deserves a chance, right? Sigh. Anyway, my hubby took him into school the other morning to make sure that homework was returned and that the teacher gave him credit for it appropriately, and he asked her what suggestions she had for him entering 6th grade, and what we could do better. She suggested we get him an "official accommodation" (since apparently if it's on paper, the teacher suddenly is much happier to comply...sorry, sarcasm off). So we contacted the V.P. and he said he doesn't think B needs a 504 and that we should talk to his teacher at the beginning of the year and request accommodations, and that he'll sit in if we feel it's needed.
So we go to the counselor on Monday. This is the counselor that B's pediatrician suggested we see after I was frustrated at our last medication management appointment. The problem is that B does pretty well when he's on his meds, but if I don't give them to him, he doesn't take them (even though he tells me he does). B struggles, regardless, in remembering to turn his homework in when it's due, and he doesn't bring home all the information necessary to complete assignments. I don't know how much is ADD and how much is him being an 11 year old boy. This counselor will see us for one time and give us some suggestions. Well, we meet and talk over some of the issues we are facing and she gives us the same ideas we've been given many times, and a few new ones. Last of all she suggested we get an IEP, which is even harder to get than a 504! Oh boy! Really?

On another note, D, my 5 year old, had his last day of pre-school today. Oh, he's growing up! He'll be in kindergarten soon and we'll see what that brings. I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

Umm...yeah...

I know it's been almost a month since I posted. But I do have a good excuse, it's called real life. Sigh. The last month has been perhaps the most insane month of my entire life, and I am completely and utterly worn out! Yet happy. I get bored too easily, so I'd rather be busy than bored. I will update soon. We have been going the rounds with school teachers and taking meds, etc. and we are meeting with a counselor on Monday morning. Good times. New updates and more posts coming your way next week!

Thank you!

I just wanted to tell my readers (all whopping four of you) thank you! You are so supportive and so sweet. I was so excited to see my first 'stranger' comment and subsequent email from this blog (hey Ellen!). This is exactly what I was hoping for: to connect with others out there that have gone through the same questions, guilt, and triumphs that dealing with ADD/ADHD presents to our lives. If you know someone else that could benefit from these conversations, please send them to the blog! I'd love to really have dialogue going on the posts if I can! :)

Why the drama? Oh, I see it's hereditary!

Sometimes I think how nice it would be to live in a quiet, organized, peaceful home. I'm not saying I live in the exact opposite. In fact, I quite adore the way my home feels much of the time. It feels like home. It's somewhere I can go to be safe, to feel love, to be ME! But my kids? Well, there's never a lack of drama around here. If I'm being completely honest, it's usually more than one drama going on at the same time. I'm not a very outgoing person myself. I'm a bit of a hermit, have a tendency to shy away from social situations, and prefer to have the attention on someone other than myself. But I realize I must be ADD, because among many other traits, I talk far too much. And I tend to go off on tangents...where were we? Oh, yes. Childhood drama. So, just the other day my little daughter (3) found and colored on my 5th grade journal. I felt a little upset...I've saved this journal for YEARS! But then I started reading through it, curious to see what my thoughts were when I was in the same grade my oldest is in now. And all I could do was laugh. I need to give my kid a break! I had WAY MORE drama in my life then, than he has now. :D

Homework. Need I say more?

I wanted my next post to be a positive one. One about how kids with ADD/ADHD can focus on things they love, and PROOF that they can. I wanted to show you all something amazing that I'm proud of my kids for, but it's going to have to wait. I just opened my son's backpack and now I'm just frustrated and need to vent.

Sigh.

So we *try* to put these systems in place to help our oldest (currently in 5th grade) not only GET his homework done-which is a trial in and of itself-but also to turn it in. When the principal sent home a letter at the end of last year asking for any special requests for the students, I sent a two page, single spaced, typed letter requesting he be placed in as close to a specific type of classroom so that he could better succeed. I didn't expect perfection. I didn't expect a specific teacher even. I did expect some sort of accommodation. However, it was as if the letter was not received, because they placed him in a classroom with a new teacher (tell me how you have a remote idea of how a new teacher runs a classroom...and she's never taught 5th grade either). I don't intend to complain about his teacher. I know she's dealing with a lot. This is her third year of teaching, and first year of teaching 5th grade, but because of these, it's been a really difficult year for B. The classroom is highly unorganized. Mass chaos reigns, and this is the most difficult environment for him to function in. So after several meetings with his teacher, we finally have her looking at and signing off on B's daily planner (no, she wasn't ever checking them before). But B will tell me certain things mean something different than they do, or that due dates are different than they are, or that he already turned in the work when he didn't...the list goes on.

Well, it's been Spring Break this week at his school, and last week he had several large projects due, along with all of the normal weekly homework he has. We worked for months on a research project. We worked for weeks on a science project (pet Mealworm, anyone?). We scoured over his daily planner. We've met with his teacher. We've emailed his teacher again and again. We've TRIED so hard to have open communication. We remind B daily of what he needs to do. We help him complete his projects. And to no avail...

...another sigh...

I just opened his backpack and read his planner from last Friday.

He:
-did not turn in his reading log (for the last month he hasn't)
-did not turn in his LARGE research paper (he told me he did, and I spent so much time working with him on this, and got him all prepared and ready to turn it in, reminded him morning of, etc)
-did not do any work in computer lab
-did not turn in his meal worm project
-did not turn in four math worksheets
...the list goes on.

I just am feeling hopeless and lost. I don't know what more I can do! I've threatened to come pick him up from school every day, but I really don't want to. First because it's a burden (I know, shame on me) to haul three small children into his school every day, and to drive to and from every day (it's a pain, off of a busy highway with no lights, and about 15 or so minutes away). I have pushed and pushed his teacher for communication to the point that she's annoyed with me and my son! It's so far into the school year that trading classes would be a ridiculous idea (transition for ADD, anyone? No thanks).

At what point do you let them take responsibility for themselves? I know he has deficits, but where does my stepping in stop actually helping? When he goes to middle school, and has several classes, what do I do then? I am feeling so lost. It makes me wonder if I should take him out of school next year, and let him do it at home online. Just so I know he's getting it done without the distractions of the classroom. So that I can monitor what he needs to do.

I know I'm long winded. If you got through that, bless you, my friends. Thanks for letting me spill my guts.

On a positive note, I just got a call from DH saying that B just made his first-ever soccer goal. This is fabulous...he normally avoids the ball because of his anxiety. Sweet!!

Child #2? Oh boy!

So, at the beginning of the (pre) school year, my DS's teacher pulled me aside and said, "I think you need to have your child tested for ADHD."

Inside I screamed, but not aloud.
Instead, I smiled nicely, brushed it off, and went home and cried.

Even though I've come to terms with the fact that my oldest has ADD, all I could think was, "Not again!" I was partly offended that she would jump on this idea so early. And partly scared that she was right. Could it be possible that I have another child with ADHD?

We did nothing right away. He was still so young, and new to the school environment, that we wanted to give the year more time. A few months later she mentioned the same thing, but this time I realized she didn't hate my son. She wanted HIM to have a good experience in the classroom. I got brave and asked if he was distracting others, and she said no...it was him that was missing out, and then I understood that I didn't need to be offended. She wasn't kicking him out of school, she was simply trying to help him. She was trying to help ME help him.

I talked to my husband, who was still frustrated about the idea of having him tested, but after a third mention from the teacher, I figured we'd better get him tested. We had a good resource already, and I wanted ammunition for the next time, or when he went into Kindergarten and they started saying the same thing.

So we had him tested. And his results indicated:

He is very bright. VERY bright. In fact he tested (on almost every classification scale) as above average to superior in his age group. But he did have two tests that showed mild deficits, and these were both designed to challenge the 'planning' part of the brain. This part of the brain is in charge of picking up and following through on cues, including oral commands, and social situations. These are the areas we see he struggles in. We wondered, because his test results were so extraordinarily different from his brothers, what this meant. Apparently not much. See, the way we rated him, the partnered teacher ratings, and the deficits (despite his intelligence) still gives him a diagnosis of ADHD. (For those friends and family that are interested in this fact, we were recommended to have some genetic testing done as well because of his epicanthal folds, which may indicate that he could have some genetic reasoning behind his specific behavioral issues, other than ADHD. We need to find out if our insurance even covers it because it can be costly.) I guess the next step is to talk with his pediatrician, and go from there.

Good Teachers...

...make ALL the difference.

I just got off the phone with my son's pre-school teacher and we had a good conversation about my boy. I told her how grateful I was that she was so willing to be so patient and see beyond the difficulties (because they can blind you). She basically said to me, "I don't want to be held responsible for lessening the potential of a human life. They get enough of that out in the world." Will I hold that woman in my heart for the rest of my life? You bet.